So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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