We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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