how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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