In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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