I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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