I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
