Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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