I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
