Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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