...so i touched it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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