honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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