I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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