This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
