Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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