she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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