i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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