so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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