The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
third nipple confirmed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
