Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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