tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
