I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So many bounce houses so little time
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
