i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
