She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
