I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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