You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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