you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
