I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
