Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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