Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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