I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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