Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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