Plan B is the new Plan A
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
