im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
