I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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