Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
