Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
