I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
