today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize