i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
