I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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