Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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