Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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