I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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