3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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