my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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