I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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