While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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