Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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