I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize