Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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