I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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