Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
