Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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