Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
