worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
