38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
