I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
