if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
