I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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