I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
