When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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