Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
