what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The adults are the big ones right?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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