So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
