omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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