It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
