my vag is so smooth its legendary
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
