Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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