But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
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Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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