There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
