after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
