It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
