Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
