I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
