You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
