I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
