Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
