Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
