I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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